Saturday, July 28, 2012

Jour 210: Take a Lover

"The French are democratic in their unfaithfulness. Both sexes are entitled to cheat in equal measures. However, some rules must be obeyed. There must be a significant age gap between you and your lover, you must come from wildly different social backgrounds, and you must only make love in garrets. Vacationing at Home? This is one you can try, though people are usually more fussy about commitment and other narrow-minded unfrench concepts."

Well, I already have a lover of my own and we even have the age gap down (is 3 years enough?). We don't have an garrets around though, so that part may be a bit tricky.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Jour 209: Smoke 60 Gauloises

"Gauloises cigarettes are the mark of the genuine French Peasant, salt of the French earth. To converse with him on equal terms - a vacation must - you must reek of gauloises too and lower your voice to the guttural lung-cancerish depth that he is accustomed to. Chain smoking three packs should do the trick. Vacationing at home? You may experience difficulties in locating gauloises and/or French peasants."

Not only did I have trouble finding either of those things, but I definitely wouldn't smoke even if I had the opportunity. 3 memebers of my immediate family have all had cancer and I really don't want to add even the slightest risk of that happening.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Jour 208: Topless Sunbathing Day

"Oh la la, ladies! This is where you lose your inhibitions and hit the beach au naturel. Men: it is important to stay cool and casual amidst the profusion of bare flesh. Act as if you see this all the time and if anything are perhaps mildly bored by it. Sticking your head in "Being and Nothingness" could help. Vacationing at Home? This one is potentially illegal. Avoid, except in the privacy of your own patio."

Well, I didn't get the opportunity to act nonchalant around topless chicks. Which I totally could do if the opportunity was there. Totally. Who said I couldn't?

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Jour 207: Sit at a Cafe all day Writing your Philosophy

"In France, buying an "expres" in any cafe entitles you to sit there for as long as you like. Thus it provides the perfect opportunity for French people of all ages to write voluminous tomes on how they see life, which are never less than compelling. Most famous is Jean-Paul Sartre's "Being and Nothingness" which at 1564 pages, was well worth the price of the "expres". Vacationing at Home? Sit in a sports bar. Your philosophy may have to be shorter than the full French deal though, as staff are less sympathetic and might kick you out after a bit."

Being that I had to work today, I didn't quite have the luxury of time to spend in a cafe. But I did make myself a nice cup of coffee and sit outside for a few minutes. Gotta enjoy the little things I suppose.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Jour 206: Have a Fight in Public

"The French think nothing of shouting at each other in front of everyone. So let loose. Suitable topics include the state of socialism today, the human condition at the dawn of the third millennium, who get to play with the beach ball next. Vacationing at home? Public fights are frowned upon, so either whisper urgently and scowl at your partner, or pretend to be a French tourist and scream at each other in French."

Today starts a week where the book has instructed me to take a vacation to France. Being that I can't really do that, I'm following the "Vacationing at Home" guidelines. I did, however, get a chance to argue with somebody in public. Last night, after a long night at work, some guy in front of me was driving like an asshole while we were going through traffic. I leaned out my window and let him have it, which I'm normally not one to do. I don't know if he heard me or not, but it felt good just to let it out.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Jour 205: Take this week off and spend it in France, behaving like the French

"France is, in many respects, a lovely and cultured land but it is also notoriously full of thieving msicreants. Make sure you hide The Book well. Never leave it in a parked car. Put it in the hotel safe. Carry it in a concealed money pouch. If it is stolen, DO NOT GO TO THE POLICE, as they will very likely be in on the theft. Instead, approach you embassy or consulate, who will exert pressure on the French government on your behalf through the proper diplomatic channels."

While I can't afford the time or money to spend a week in France, I'll be following The Book's "Vacationing at Home" guide for equivalent tasks for those in my same situation. Hopefully it'll be pretty fun behaving all French (and not like the shitty Quebecois that flood Vermont all the time). Vive La France!

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Day 204: Be Entirely Serious

"Irony is a curse in disguise, corrupting and reducing everything to the same superficial level and abolishing depth in both values and relationships. Today, avoid the temptations of glibness and frivolity, and take life seriously for a change."

For real, life is already way too serious. If you can't have fun and joke around every now and then, what can you do? Being completely serious is never any fun. While I do agree that seriousness does have it's place, I pride myself on being able to find the humorous side of most any situation. After all, Pierre Desproges once said "You can laugh at everything, but not with everyone".