"Send us one dollar for every swear word that escapes your uncouth lips. The following are no longer considered effective swear words: Darn, Heck, Shucks, Crud, Doggone, Nuts, Dang, Gadzooks, Phooey."
I probably messed this up countless times without even realizing it. It's so commonplace nowadays to swear, I do it all the time without even realizing it. Once today, I said fuck and my immediate reaction was "Oh shit, I said fuck". Probably the opposite of what I was supposed to do.
"Crazy but true: Lots of people give out their hard-earned sugar entirely free such as in cafes, restaurants, the workplace kitchen, and so on. A person who collected it all and resold it at street value could make a small fortune. And that could be you!"
Luckily, my school has quite a few coffee stations, so this was almost as easy as taking candy from a baby.
"Only a complete booby would deny that extraterrestrial visitors are here already, and here to stay, despite government lies to the contrary. Many have taken human shape, all the better to study us. Today, learn how to spot them."
What better way to learn how to spot aliens, than to watch Men in Black. Both of them. In a row. Gotta say, it's still one of my favorite Marvel movies of all time. I can't wait for the new one to come out.
"Clinical studies have conclusively established that continued exposure to man-made electromagnetic energy is associated with higher mortality and morbidity rates in the exposed population. Epidemiological studies have also demonstrated links to cancer and suicide."
THINGS TO AVOID: High Voltage Powerlines, Microwave ovens, Radio/TV towers, Cell phone towers, Electric Blankets, Pacemakers.
So yeah, I didn't really go near any sources of electromagnetic energy. I mean, my microwave is next to my desk, but I didn't use it at all.
All in all, this is what that probability looks like
I know my math is slightly off, but it's close enough for demonstrative purposes. The odds that a single person would come into existence are literally infinitely large. All of that kind of goes out the window though when you look at the fact that everyone is already here.
But besides that, people are always caught up in stupid little things and they never think about how little our lives mean in the grand scale of things. Using Carl Sagan's Cosmic Calendar, you can plot the entire age of the universe as a year to put things in perspective.
The Big Bang: January 1st
Formation of Milky Way Galaxy: May 1st
Origin of Earth: September 14th
Life on Earth: September 25
December 31st
First Ancestor of Apes and Humans: 1:30pm
First Humans: 10:30pm
Civilization: 11:59:35pm
Invention of Written Language: 11:59:51pm
Fall of Rome: 11:59:57pm
European Renaissance: 11:59:59pm
Modern Day: January 1st, 12:00:01am
Average Human Lifespan: .16seconds
That's a pretty goddamn small amount amount of time. On the grand scale, we almost couldn't mean less.
And even after all this, we're even further insignificant. Think of it this way:
You are 1 Person out of 7 Billion
on 1 Planet out of 9
Orbiting 1 Star out of 500 Billion
in 1 Galaxy out of 80 Billion
With all that being said, with all the insignificance and improbabilities, life is still pretty amazing. Enjoy what little time you have here, and don't make it harder for anyone else.
"Too many people leave their will until literally the last moment. As a result, greedy relatives end up filing lawsuits and lawyers fill their pockets. Spare your loved ones this fate by appropriating your worldly goods."
I'm only 20, which means I really don't have anything of value to distribute to anyone. But, here's the basic gist of it.
Last Will and Testament
Of
Eric S. Hodet
I, Eric S. Hodet, of Fairfax, Vermont, revoke my former Wills and Codicils and declare this to be my Last Will and Testament (“Will”).
Article I
Identification of Family
I currently have no children, but all references in this Will to “my children” are references to any children born to me or adopted by me after the signing of this Will.
Article II
Payment of Debts and Expenses
I direct that my just debts, funeral expenses and expenses of last illness be first paid from my estate.
Article III
Disposition of Property
A. Specific Bequests. I direct that no specific bequests shall be made from my estate. My remaining personal property shall be distributed to Sarah C. Gottschalk. If this beneficiary does not survive me, this bequest shall be distributed with my residuary estate.
B. Residuary Estate. I direct that my residuary estate be distributed to my children in equal shares. If a child of mine does not survive me, such deceased child’s share shall be distributed in equal shares to the children of such deceased child, who survive me, by right of representation. If a child of mine does not survive me and has no children who survive me, such deceased child’s share shall be distributed in equal shares to my other children, if any, or to their respective children by right of representation. If no child of mine survives me, and if none of my deceased children are survived by children, my residuary estate shall be distributed to Bradley A. Hodet, Fairfax, Vermont. If such beneficiary does not survive me, my residuary estate shall be distributed to my heirs-at-law, their identities and respective shares to be determined under the laws of the State of Vermont, then in effect, as if I had died intestate at the time fixed for distribution under this provision.
Article IV
Nomination of Personal Representative
I nominate Sarah C. Gottschalk, of St. Albans, Vermont, as the Personal Representative, without bond or security. If such person or entity does not serve for any reason, I nominate Bradley A. Hodet, of Fairfax, Vermont, to be the Personal Representative, without bond or security.
Article V
Nomination of Guardian
Should it become necessary to appoint a guardian of the person of a minor child, I nominate Timothy P. Hodet and Diana L. Hodet, of Fairfax, Vermont, to serve as Co-Guardians of my surviving children who are minors at the time of my death.
Article VI
Personal Representative Powers
My Personal Representative, in addition to other powers and authority granted by law or necessary or appropriate for proper administration, shall have the right and power to lease, sell, mortgage, or otherwise encumber any real or personal property that may be included in my estate, without order of court and without notice to anyone.
My Personal Representative shall have the right to administer my estate using “informal”, “unsupervised”, or “independent” probate or equivalent legislation designed to operate without unnecessary intervention from the probate court.
Article VII
Miscellaneous Provisions
A. Paragraph Titles and Gender. The titles given to the paragraphs of this Will are inserted for reference purposes only and are not to be considered a forming part of this Will in interpreting its provisions. All words used in this will in any gender shall extend to and include all genders, and any singular words shall include the plural expression, and vice versa, specifically including “child” and “children”, when the context or facts so require, and any pronouns shall be take to refer to the person or person intended regardless of gender or number.
B. Thirty Day Survival Requirement.For the purpose of determining the appropriate distributions under this Will, no person shall be deemed to have survived me unless such a person is also surviving on the thirtieth day after the date of my death.
IN WITNESS OF WHEREOF, I have subscribed my name below, this 1st day of April, 2012
Testator Signature: Eric S. Hodet
We, the undersigned, hereby certify that the above instrument, which consists of 2 pages, including the page(s) which contain the witness signatures, was signed in our sight and presence by Eric S. Hodet (the “Testator”), who declared this infringement to be his/her Last Will and Testament and we, at the Testator’s request and in the Testator’s sight and presence, and in the sight and presence of each other, do hereby subscribe our names as witnesses on the date shown above.
Witness Signature: Jacob E. Pfieffer, Fairfax, Vermont
