Day 28

"Choose your final meal on death row and make it."

I've actually been looking forward to today since I got The Book. Being a chef, this was something I've always kind of wondered about and it was really fun to actually do it. When I started to think about my favorite foods and what I would want as my last meal, it immediately brought me back to some of the most memorable foods of my childhood.

Rueben sandwiches have become one of my favorite foods overall, so I had to include that. When I was younger, whenever we had a party or a pot luck my mom would always make these awesome meatballs cooked in a slow cooker with alfredo sauce. That had to be in there. I also have very vivid memories of going to my grandmother's house and every time I went I would immediately get the step stool so I could reach the cupboard and make myself a glass of chocolate NesQuik. Got it. Last but not least, dessert. Even to this day, my nana makes this amazing pistachio cake for my brother and I for our birthdays. It is hands-down my all-time favorite dessert. This was also a perfect excuse for nana to give me her secret recipe. Woo! After all this amazing food, I was definitely ready for a food coma which is kind of fitting being that this would be my final meal.

Day 27

"Today you are not allowed to use the words 'yes' or 'no'. See just how long you last."

To be honest, I probably fucked this up immediately, but I never really noticed. I caught myself a few times before and after saying them. But for the most part I didn't even think about it.

Day 26

"Today, choose what you'd like to be reincarnated as and send off with a $5 donation to the Dalai Lama"

I would like to send in my donation of $5.00 and a formal request for reincarnation as a Rhinoceros. I know this isn't the venue in which to make such a request, but if you could forward this request to His Holiness, it would be appreciated. Thank You, EH

I really wanted to explain why, but PayPal only gives you like 300 characters to work with. It's worth a shot, right?

EDIT: Shortly after sending the donation, I received an email back from the Dalai Lama Foundation. They informed me that they couldn't send my request to His Holiness but they appreciated my donation nonetheless. Oh well, you win some you lose some.

Day 25: Things you will Never do before you Die

"Come to terms with the fact that there are certain things you will never do."
Personally, I'm kind of tired of the whole "if you put your mind to it, you can do anything" mentality that a lot of people have these days. There are a lot of things that you will never do, no matter what you do. Below are listed various things that I have come to terms with the fact that I will never do.

I will Never:

Visit Bhutan
Write that novel/screenplay
Become world chess champion
Rob a Bank
Have a sex change
Become a King/Queen
Go to Heaven
Learn Russian
Live off charity
Celebrate Christmas in May
Work in a coal mine
Follow Mao's teachings
Become grumpy when old
Inject heroin
Become insensitive to suffering
Be Gay
Start a cult
Master the yo-yo
Become a fitness instructor
Apply for a patent
Use the term "solutionize"
Own an Owl
Contemplate suicide
Gamble my shirt
Invade a small country
Proclaim myself emperor
Seduce the prom queen
Adopt a Romanian
Witness a miracle
Smoke a cat
Win the Nobel Peace Prize
Give birth to goatboy
Win the rat race
Overthrow a regime
Marry someone I've never met
Discover Atlantis
See my face on a bank note
Be eaten by cannibals
Own a grotto
Host a game show
start my own religion
Find a guru
Turn 117
Become Pope
Be used as a manga character
Grow a tail
Greet the extraterrestrial delegation
Break the bank in Vegas
Be the 78th person on the moon
Win best-looking baby of the year
Become immortal
Play the lead in Swan Lake
Travel at warp speed
Implode
Jump on a real bandwagon
Run an arms dealership
Sleep with a whore of Babylon
Cause an intergalactic rift
Get away with murder
Apologize for existing
Lose my mojo
Own an oil field
Mate with another species
Become possessed
Participate in the Olympics
Talk dirty to a flower
Get fired for being translucent
Channel lava away from a village
Bring back Bambi
Molt
Part the Red Sea
Know the truth about JFK

Day 24: Barter Day

"Bartering provides fun for all the family, bypasses the taxman, and is a useful skill to acquire in the even civilization should suddenly revert to the Stone Age."

Today, I traded a wooden spoon and a champagne flute for a stress ball, a protective card sleeve, a moist towelette and a coupon for a free car wash. It may not have been the most effective trade, but it was still pretty funny and that's all that really counts.

Day 23: Plastic Fantastic!!!

"How do you know you look as good as you could? Today, make a no-obligation appointment with a plastic surgeon and see what he recommends."

I'm not going to go to an actual doctor because even seeing them would be waaaaay too expensive. But I did, however, find a free online assessment that gave pretty much the same results. Ok yeah, it's for women. But they don't really make that kind of stuff for guys. For all the questions, I put in that I wanted quick results with as little down time as possible. Here's what I got:

Lower Face: None
Mid Face: Threadlift
Brow: Botox
Eyes: Lower Blepharoplasty, Peel
Nose: Tip Plasty
Lips: Lip Lift
Stomach: Full Abdominoplasty, Dermatolipectomy
Thighs: Thigh Lift

Buttocks: None
Body: Body Lift

Since nobody is ever outwardly disgusted at my appearance, I think I'll be ok without any plastic surgery. Not really something I'm that interested in.

^Unless I can do that, that would be fun

Day 22

"Today, agree to meet someone in ten year's time."

Not that hard to do. My friend Max Wilhoit and I have agreed to meet up in ten years in Washington DC. We figured that's about half way between Vermont and South Carolina. Both being in the food industry, it'll be interesting to see where ten years takes us. After all, even Andrew Zimmern went from being a homeless, thieving drug addict to one of the top chefs in Minnesota in less time.