Day 294: Start a Fight

"Top Fight starting Lines: Who you looking at? Don't tell me that's your boyfriend. Big car, small penis... What line? Which is the kid which is the dog? Hey, quit kicking sand in my face."

Today, I was trying to relax after a long couple of days so I wasn't really interested in starting a fight.

But if I DID feel like starting a fight, I don't think anybody would have fucked with us.

Day 293

"'Experience is the name we give to our mistakes' - Oscar Wilde. Write down and acknowledge your biggest mistake in life, or be condemned to repeat it."

I definitely think the biggest mistake I've made in my life was being such an introvert in high school. I was never really interested in a lot of the social type things that normal highschoolers do. Thankfully I decided to not do that in college, and it definitely worked out for the best.

Day 292

"Pigeon shit is good luck! What pigeons look out for: the average pigeon likes a nice clean target, preferably a stationary or slow-moving bald head. Women: bright headwear also catches the pigeon's eye. It takes about to minutes for the pigeon to "lock on" to his target and maneuver into position, so stay patient and stand still .Resist the temptation to look up and check on progress as pigeon droppings are toxic to the eye, besides being aesthetically displeasing. A clear bull's-eye hit will yield roughly two weeks of good luck. Drippy muck on your shoulder is usually worth three or four days, whereas a near miss is actually bad luck."

Today is graduation, so I'm posting this before I've actually gone out into town. Hopefully though, I wont get pigeon shit on my until after the ceremony, but I suppose I can't control when and where a bird decides to poop.

Day 291: Meeting!

"These glamorous bars are designated This Book Will Change Your Life hangouts. Today, go to the one nearest to where you live and discuss your experience of The Book with friendly fellow owners. Bring your copy!"

The closest bar to my currently would be:

The White Horse Tavern

567 Hudson St at 11th St

New York, New York

Unfortunately, I'm unable to make it back down to the city today. I have to pack up things and get ready for graduation tomorrow, but hopefully the next time I'm actually in the city I'll be able to stop by.

Day 290: Long-Lost Relative Day

"Judge which one of your elderly relatives is most likely to have hoarded away a pile of cash and call them up out of the blue to get in their will."

I really don't think that any of my relatives would have actually hid away a large pile of cash anywhere. Who even keeps cash in large piles anymore?

Day 289: A Fool or a Prophet?

"According to Indiana-based 'Church of the Holy Rapture', the world will end today at precisely one-half second to midnight, central Israeli time (7pm GMT). Make all the necessary preparations just in case. But if you are still alive by 7:05pm, e-mail Bud Kramer on kramer89@hotmail.com to demand compensation for your trauma."

With so many so-called prophecies flying around these days, I really have no reason to be prepared for this. In the off off off off chance that the world ends tonight, I shouldn't have too much to worry about anyway. I mean, it would really suck seeing as how I'm graduating in 3 days and I would like to have not wasted the last 3 years, but if the world is truly going to end there really ins't much I can do about it.

UPDATE: Clearly, the world didn't end. A nasty email has been sent.

Day 288: How Funny are You?

"Today, tell your favorite joke ever to several different people and note down how much they laugh."

One of my favorite jokes ever is actually a twist on another joke. The setup goes like this:

"Why is Helen Keller a bad driver?"

Normally, the response would be "Because she's blind, right?" and the person telling the joke replies "No, because she's a woman!"

That became pretty well known and people could guess where it was going. I decided to change it up a little bit.

"Why is Helen Keller a bad driver?"

"Because she's a woman? hur hur hur?"

"No, because she's dead!"

Needless to say, my friends found it hilarious.