"It is the duty of every citizen to be patriotic. A country is one's soil, one's blood, one's tears, one's roots. Choose a country to feel patriotic about today."
The Book gave a list of several countries to choose from including France, England, China, Moldova, Nigeria and Russia. For today I chose Russia. Let's see, what to do......
National Anthem: Check
Fight Bear: Check
Beef Stroganoff: Check
Borscht: Check
and last but not least....
WODKA! Super check
Ok, it's French vodka, so sue me. За твоё здоровье!
"Today, everyone is to send in a line to create the world's longest poem. They will be collated as they are emailed to www.thiswebsitewillchangeyourlife.com, and the result published across the world as soon as a suitable final line is deemed to have been found and we think of a good title. The opening line is: Mercy, Cried the Popinjay to the Pope"
Being that their site has been down for quite some time, I decided to recruit Facebook to write the poem for me. The result is as follows:
"Mercy, cried the Popinjay to the Pope,
Do I not deserve from you a reprieve?
Your God deprives me any guise of hope.
but, quoth the Popinjay, does not hope spring eternal from the breast?"
Not too shabby. I was kind of hoping for more responses, but this will certainly do. Thanks everyone!
"No one can know. This Book was a pretext to get in touch with you. Your government needs you. Don't look up now, they are watching. Good luck."
So today, I dressed up in my black suit and aviators and went to the mall to act secret agent-y. I pretty much just walked around with a headphone in looking ominous. I checked my watch at certain places, went to Dick's Sporting Goods and looked at compact bows and gun sights, look for some camcorders at Best Buy and then went and looked at some nice suits. Whenever somebody at the store asked if I need help I just said no in a very serious tone and then walked off. Some of the people in the mall gave me some really weird looks and I was even stopped by mall security and they asked what I was doing. All in all, pretty fun.
"So-called western 'Western civilization' suppresses our legitimate aggressive impulses. Cast off the chains of narrow morality and stamp out the sad life of a member of some inferior species today: an any, or perhaps, a gnat of some kind. Indulge your dark urges before they overwhelm you. After all, as top Russian anarchist Mikhail Bakunin declared: the passion for destruction is also a creative passion..."
It does seem only natural, survival of the fittest and whatnot. People have been killing things literally as long as they've been physically able to, and we've gotten pretty good at it. However, most people never really think about the killing that happens every day just in order for them to put food in front of their families. As a chef, I always try to keep in mind that something else had to die in order for me to live. A lot of people don't like to think that their pork chops used to be furry and cute, but that's how it is. Just something to think about.
However, what I did was not nearly as profound as any of that. I ran over a squirrel on my way back from the store today. It made a surprisingly loud crunching sound....
"Eat nothing but asparagus all day long to ascertain just how noxious your pee can get."
Being that's it's January and any asparagus I got would be gross anyway, I decided not to eat ONLY asparagus. I did however incorporate a large portion of asparagus into each meal (about 10 stalks each meal)
Breakfast: Asparagus and Swiss Cheese scramble
Lunch: Asparagus Soup with Morels and Pecans
Dinner: Mushroom Risotto with Asparagus
Let's just say that the results were.... less than pleasant
"Discreetly give the finger to people all day today."
Pretty self explanitory. As far as I could tell, nobody really noticed. A few people did though; Some got mad and some thought it was funny. You win some, you lose some.
"As James Dean said, why go through life with one hand tied behind your back?"
Short of going out and having sex with a dude, I wasn't really sure what to do for this one. I can't force myself to find men attractive and it would be hard to start randomly hitting on a guy. So I decided that I would take this time to appreciate some awesome gay guys from throughout history.
Alexander the Great 356-323BC
Macedonian Warlord, ruled half the known world before the age of thirty, appreciates Broadway musicals.
Leonardo da Vinci 1452-1519
One of the greatest scientific minds to ever live, most recognizable artist worldwide, knob gobbler
Michelangelo Simoni 1475-1564
Architect, painter, sculptor, all around renaissance man, friend of Dorothy
Ralph Waldo Emerson 1803-1882
Author, Essayist, led the transcendentalist movement in the 19th century, light in the loafers
Pyotr Tchaikovsky 1840-1893
World-renowned composer of the romantic era, wrote 1812 overture, midnight cowboy
Aleister Crowley 1875-1947
Occultist, astrologer, mystic, ceremonial magician, plays for the other team
Legendary Vocalist, one of the top selling artists of all time, no euphemism required
Rob Halford 1951-Present
God of Heavy Metal, lives after midnight, breaks the law, uphill gardener
Clive Barker 1952-Present
Horror Movie legend, comic book author, left-handed hitter
Neil Patrick Harris 1973-Present
Child Doctor, member of Evil League of Evil, notorious ladies-man, pole smoker
And last, but certainly not least....
Jean-Paul Beaubier aka Northstar 1979
Superhuman speed and durability, power of flight, power to manipulate light, first openly gay superhero
See? Gay people can be pretty awesome. I don't understand how, especially in today's day and age, people can hate other people for being gay. Another person being gay couldn't possibly have any effect on anybody else's life but their own. I would see where it could be understandable if gays were running around trying to rape everybody molest children or something, but clearly that's not the case and that would be horrible regardless of whether the person is gay or not. My opinion: whatever other people do with their genitals is of no concern to me. I may be biased, but then again I come from a state where gay marriage is practically encouraged.
